playing street fighter at this arcade shaped like a castle. memories of being like 13 and playing that at mikey's house. .or at this local corner store. he still got it. i never really had it.. i'm not really good at video games at all. it was nice seeing that boy. reciprocating problems. . and mine always seem to echo his. old times, i like thinking abt something other what i do every single day.
am i being vague, or am i just muttering a bunch of nonsense?
paul oakenfold is such a diva!!! (oh yeah, did i tell you my dad sniffed me for drugs randomly? yeah, me.)
so lets recap this week really really quick. . in a nutshell, i lost what was my best friend, and my girlfriend, and my computer broke. broke. come on. . why is this happening, i'm not sure, but at least i'm not totally bummed. i'm doing pretty good actually, with the exception of being bored. heh. time to fix my bike, i want to ride again. i want to do something, and make myself not feel alone.
all this has been bugging me a little bit. .a little part of everyday. i guess this is a bad week fr everyone. i want this all to be over.. i kinda of just want to move somewhere else and deal with different things. i feel worse than i did when the day started. weak. almost time fr the weekend.. free time, and nothing to do. i almost feel pathetic, but i turn ppl down sometimes so it could be my fault.
i want to see jamie this weekend, but she didn't call me back. crushed, and i know this time will come tomorrow, and i'm gonna be bored again. . cause everyone is busy and i'm left out again. oh well. deal with it david.
tom (manager tom . .) was a little worried and asked me why i wasn't more devastated. i had to handle customers tho.. .and keep the fake smiles coming. i didn't tell anyone how i felt. you'd be able to tell if you answered the phones. . much like tom, no emotion really, but i was trying my best to be there. i walked around after work and didn't know what i was doing. . did it hit me? i don't know, it was getting close to ninty degrees here, so that's probably it.
kids buy stuff when they get down. . i bought a steam cleaner. a pretty big appliance if i can say so myself. i need to hook that thing up and clean my room. . i spill stuff like there's no tomorrow. i guess that's the first thing suzanne noticed when i went to visit here too. . spilling two cups of chocolate silk on her rug. not gonna get the girls by spilling, i can tell you that.
i promised myself that i'd stop listening to emotional music cause it's holding me down. i don't want to become stagnant. i'll do it in moderation. we'll see how i do. heh.
time to go.. just abt. write me someone. . make a day. a few. . maybe someone can come make my week, cause that's what i'm needing. rock on kids.
i am almost done catching up with school and it's a nice feeling, althought it's almost over. as ms. tuttle said,"you are going to go 'achoo!' and school is going to be over." and that it is. it's moving so rapidly i am excited and scared. life is so short and it's hard making everything worth it, taking advantage and taking the time things need is hard to balance, but what else am i going to do? forget about it? dismiss everything i've done til this day? yeah, i think i want to move a little further than sixteen and being an idiot. i am working for eighteen and a woman.
and i was convinced i had everything. . hehe. at least that's what jeremy was telling me. .it all blew up in my face. everything that had meaning to me blew up. and i can't fix any of this.. i don't want to start over. i don't want to stay here and sit and wait either. i want to run. i want to run far. . timmy, we should probably get out of here and team up like i thought we were going to all along. . but i'm not yet ready to leave this place.
and now it's time fr fake smiles, and playing the act that i'm ok without breaking down . . let's see if i can pull that off. i already feel like shit so early into the day.
why do things happen so fast. .like nothing ever happened, but i can't forget any of this. i can't forget the times we've shared and just how the kid made me feel. i feel at a lost, but when do i come out on top? but now things are different. . i will have money soon . .i can drive away. .drive away from the places with feelings shared and just the places that once made me feel really good. you know things won't be the same now, and you know things can't be any better. can't. now what do i do? and i can't fall asleep. . will i go aggro like andria hopes? hehe.. that lofty stuff sure never helps the situation . . and this isn't fr sympathy. .this isn't because being emo is cool.. i don't care. i don't care at all. i just need to get this out and make myself feel better. fuck. and i'm just so confused that's the only emotion i can convey.
- this is for beth. disclaimer: reason was cut short due to deadline. and im sixteen. dont expect great things.
Topic: Vegetarianism: The Christian Thing to Do?
The Old Testament shows a God allowing animals to be used as a source of food. This God also gives some restrictions to how the animal should be treated in order to be eaten. As time progressed this treatment has become more as if the animal is just a mere commodity and not a creation of God to be respected. Society has excepted this treatment of animals and has become double-minded in what an animal really is.
As Christians tend to, they have formed to society's train of thought and passed an animal on to be their cut of meat as well. When Christians do not look at their plate in detail, how their food got there, they are not validating the animal's life nor respecting God's creation in the way he intended. The current treatment of animal life is immoral and their deaths are done in vanity.
In the beginning, God gave his children an original diet. This diet consisted of “every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it.”(Ge 1:29) Adam and Eve lived off of these foods, and so did everyone else up until the time of Noah. God made a covenant with Noah allowing him and on to eat “every that lives and moves.” Before Noah’s time people had lived 700 - 900 years, Methuselah at 969, but after him people only lived to only 120 and 150 (Braunstein). The people before Noah lived so long because the food they ate that was not dead but raw. Leading up to modern times, we have made modern devices to cook our food. Being that our food has been cooked, it has been drained from the nutritional value of the earth grown food from the start. Eating foods raw is the best way to complete personal nutrition (Braunstein). The Food Pyramid Guide is the most deceiving symbol of nutrition, yet it is engraved into the minds of children from early elementary up. The basis of true nutrition comes from the original of nature-based foods. Not only does this sort of vegetarian diet get energy straight from the sun, but also better digestion and prevention of many diseases for a vegetarian diet is pure from preservatives, hormones, and many chemicals such as insecticides (Robbins).
“Can we justify artificially impregnating cows every year on “rape racks” so that they will be able to produce more milk?” This powerful statement was taken from Vegetarianism: A Spiritual Imperative? a Jewish essay on the spiritual concept of vegetarianism. Is it moral to eat flesh that came straight from farm factories? Are these factories necessary? Is eating meat necessary? Is it a commandment? Galatians 5:6 says,”The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.” Is it love to allow God’s creatures to be destroyed and experimented upon daily by 16 million a day, 700,000 each hour, 11,500 each minute (Adams)? Not only to allow this as common practice, but to partake it the cruelty by eating the offspring flesh? Is it necessary to “test lipstick on rabbits, to study the effects of tobacco smoke on dog, and to try out new drugs on mice?” (Weil) Is the lips of a rabbit applicable to a human’s? Is it really news that tobacco smoke is bad? Do we need drugs when the body can heal itself through earth grown foods? Is this the treatment God intended for his animal creatures, or were we to achieve peace as a wolf dwelling with the lamb and the lion eating straw like an ox? (Isa 11:6-7) Are farm factories reflective of the peace of God? (Php 4:7). These are all questions open for personal interpretation, but should have obvious answers with the knowledge of God’s character. Does Leviticus 7:27 still apply today in saying that “If anyone eats blood, that person must be cut off from his people?”
Why would God allow us to eat the meat of animals and not mean it? God did not give the animals to us just for fun and games, is not vegetarianism almost an insult to God’s give of animal food? After all, it says in Genesis 9:3 “Everything that lives and moves will be food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything.” Vegetarianism insults God by taking what his has given for granted.
Now, in analysis of these statements it is obvious that little thought has been brought into them. Thought itself is heavily enthused throughout the Bible, the greatest commandment after all is to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” (Mk 12:30) In thought and observation of Western society, most Christians should be able to see the flaws that our human sinful nature has brought into society. Matters are in great contrast with the original way God had intended. They were to begin with, but as sin progressed so has our society in its decadence. Supply and demand has increased, and the thirst of blood did as well. So forth came the concept of slaughterhouses in which more meat could be made for the meat-eating public. This is the point where animals lost their meaning and became absent referents, mere commodity (Adams). Animal flesh has been produced in saran-wrapped bulk just as the rest of our food selections, if not more. It is more common that diets of 50% - 70% protein are eaten, provided through the available selection of many meats (Robbins). The rate at which animals are killed in an unclean manner to the rate of animals eaten (think of a McDonalds sign saying, “99 billion and more burgers sold!”) is this the way God truly intended? Vegetarianism is a way for Christians to object from the flux of society’s unethical norm.
As Christians are we not to have good health? Is it not misrepresentation to be a skinny, pale, and unhealthy person making it out that God is not providing proper nutrition? Proper protein cannot be achieved without the consumption of meat and animal products.
This statement is pure assumption and disobedience of the greatest commandment! In all obviousness, returning to Genesis 1:29, God had known that his children would need proper nutrients to fuel and maintain their bodies which he has made and designed himself. From Adam to Noah it was 1,828 years, would God not take care of his children for 1,828 years especially in health as it controls so much? It is an obvious intention God allowed the eating of meat. During Noah’s time was the great flood, and Noah was make his people many, as he was going to restart the human race. Think about why God had the flood, then think about what menu God gave his people. First of all, the eating of meat could be taken as a blessing, making it easier for people to find food. Then also, the drastic lifespan cut could be taken as a consequence for the great amount of sin humans had to cause the flood in the first place. Either way, this was an intentional act of God. This is very consistent with his character, blessing his children even in punishment. The shortened life itself has become a blessing, putting a better perspective on priorities with what to do with such a short life.
Getting back to the argument of nutrition, obvious statistics show that meat, dairy, eggs, and antibiotics are the greatest causes for death (Braunstein). It is very ironic that what Western society thinks is making them healthy is really shortening their lives each day they eat meat (Adams). Eggs are a common cause for high cholesterol, meat for indigestion and cancers, milk for hormones giving side effects, and so many more different defects can be rooted in any animal product dependent upon want went on within the body of the animal.
The true purpose of animals has been tainted through the haze of society’s contradictory use of animals. An animal has lost all dignity in becoming “it”: It’s a friend! It’s a food! It’s a shoe! It’s science! It’s a class pet! It’s the collar of a jacket! It’s a service! It’s entertainment! (Weil v) It is obscene that it is true that the Humane Society puts “to sleep” animals that could be adopted and “donates them to science.”(Humane Society) Animals have never been given the chance to shine through to be the creatures of their original intention of the wolf and the lamb living together, the leopard lying down with the goat, the calf and the lion and the yearling together, and a little child leading them (Isa 11:6). Animals have emotions, they can respond and care as in stories of when a pig rescues a drowning boy and a dolphin leads boats out of fog (Robbins). The excuses society has made to turn beautiful animals into absent referents for their vanity of fur collars, red lips, and creamy desserts are not good excuses, especially in a time where technology in all aspects have advanced where we do not need animal flesh for garments, but have man-made or earth-grown materials at hand for clothing (Fox/Weintraub). It is also an embarrassment health wise to say that proper nutrition is not able to be achieved without animal foods. To say that high school students are not able to learn about life without the death of a frog, cat, mouse, or any other animal is obscene. There are great ways of learning about these animals’ anatomies through computer programs, models, and books, which give more effective learning (Weil).
To be a Christian is to be a reflection of God and his word. Has our modern Western Christian done a good job in doing so? Society would say so. Is the diet something that is saying such a profound statement in compliancy of faith and belief? How our society has evolved, it is.
The haze of Christianity’s emphasis on emotion and evangelism has lost the emphasis and enthusiasm of analyzing his word. Again, the greatest commandment is to, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.” God loves it when we read his word, analyze it, break it down, and obey it. His word is the truth, and the truth is what we should be seeking and reflecting as his children. Does the Christian meat-based diet in Western society consist with his word?
the day was good. tabling ended up being good. . timmy came to relieve my duties halfway through or so, and that was refreshing. sitting at a table answering questions and looking cute could only go on fr so long you know? i guess i was a little worried abt handling the questions that i wouldn't know how to answer.. the weird reasons abt why i should eat meat and how i should bulk up cause i'm such a skinny skinny boy. some old southern guy did tell me to take my vitamins cause i'm a small kid. . i muttered that i did take my vitamins. . funny.
i come home lonely sometimes. after a day of adventure sometimes, or just after work. i need to be a little more productive. . spend more days like today, doing something. i've been a little tired. . burnt out of the whole political thing, but it does take days like this to bring a little bit back into me. and yet i ate something with egg whites on accident, i feel sick.
i'm gonna table at this earth day event today fr our animal liberation team. a little scared because i'm going to have to represent us, and i always feel a little funny abt that. i don't want to give misleading information, and i just don't feel like i'm a good person to be like the poster boy of animal liberation. . cause that's what i'm gonna look like.
it's a little sad that my best friends either don't live in like 5 mile radius, or aren't really around here. i have to drive. it's dissappointing, but i've come to be ok with it. jamie, andria, suzanne, mikey, timmy, and all the rest. suzanne doesn't really count tho since it's harder to go over to that boston place. .i wish everyone was relatively closer. i wish all these things.
dashboard confessional always finds it's way back into my cd player. i try not to rely on that stuff, but it always comes back to me in the end. i bet that's the reason why i've been so oh so whiny and yeah. i don't know i don't know. a reflection of some whiny ppl. . that's what emo is abt tho. . whining.
man, i just woke up and now i have to eat and go away. i miss you. . andria, and jamie. . and the other few kids that have left a mark along the way.
david wilson came to my house thursday night and i was very happy to see him. i missed him a lot. he is probably the person i am closest to. i cried a couple times i had missed him so much. now that he is taking college classes and is being a social typhoon i dont take to him much. i know it is mostly my fault being in the musical and careless, but aah, i miss it. talking to someone how doesnt judge and cares about the same things. he is one of my favorite people ever. i feel a little awful i did not talk to him about anything, out of three days i could have talked to him, i just didnt. maybe i've just been a little sad lately and avoided opening up.
seeing david fung a good surprise. he called and a few hours later, we were in berkeley and it was david! hanging out with two davids was a little funny, trying to talk to 'david' was a fun thing, both going,"huh?" it was humorous, but nice because they are both great to be around.
the things that go in and out of this house have been giving me headache and worry. all things in all difference are related too closely to another and they are all evidence of sin and death and the answer to my favorite question, "why?" seeing the craziness and situations make it easier to bear it all, but i havent been doing a good job of that at all. the cycle of sin and the ruts around me are just pounding in my head as pressure and pain, and...goodnight.
i finally got a replacement atdi cd. it's just so good.. almost too good. i don't know. . it's weird since i've never done that before. i bet i have the cd somewhere in my room, but as fr now, this is rocking. rocking. and there goes part of my paycheck, at the music store. always.
andria isn't here. . it's ok. i guess. i miss her. always. .but maybe i'll see her at the end of this storm. . tomorrow. time to call jamie.
i was supposed to see jamie this weekend, but i guess since it's not up to me and her, she can't go. i wonder why her dad won't let us go get records. . so i'll be in the bay area tomorrow morning with nothing to do. . while andria goes away to play. grr. maybe i'll go up there by myself. .but that's not fun. . i don't think. i have been driving lately, cause there's been nothing else better to clear my head. drive around listening to fast hardcore and screaming to yrself in the car. it beats it's counterpart.. listening to really lofty stuff and crying . . that's happened too. .
i'm listening to cross my heart.. after i promised myself i wouldn't listen to that sort of stuff fr a while. it seems to egg on yr mood sometimes when you don't need it too. make you more gooey and emotional. i don't need that . . hehe. me, and andria today. . yes. i need this.
i'm driving to napa today, and on friday. i'm almost broke from just eating and buying lots of gas, and just seeing andria. i can't afford her.. just like her mom said, but that's the best part. hehe. while i roll into her driveway with ludacris bumping, but not too loud tho, cause i think i blew one of my dad's speakers listening to snoop dogg.
i guess i'm not even online anymore. i feel so weak with just a dialup connection. i'm the uncool one, and this is not fun since i can't post this. i'll do this when i come back. i miss you andria. . i miss you too jamie. . maybe i'll see you next week.
from this morning:: i couldn't sleep thinking things were just so so. . i couldn't sleep thinking andria wasn't doing ok, i couldn't sleep cause i felt a little alone. i don't like seeing myself without her, and it scares me a little to think of my life right now without her. it was just one of those nights where i slept with my door open and tv on. . but i didn't really sleep at all.
i get mixed up sometimes when i just handle things wrong. . i do tell how i feel, but sometimes it comes off as me whining abt things. i try not to, but sometimes it just comes off that way. i waited all night to call her . . it wasn't one of those things where i could wake her up in the middle of the night or anything, but just to talk to her.. i called her a little bit ago and woke her up. grr, how many points am i losing just be incorrect timing and so on. sorry.
maybe it's because i really don't know how to handle being in a relationship sometimes. granted, this is the longest i've ever gone, i don't doubt it. i've never been able to stick fr this long, or maybe it's the other way around. either way, you know what i mean.
i didn't want my mom to close my door and say goodnight. i even talked to my mom abt how bad i felt . .and just how things were going. it's a little more refreshing to know she's able to talk to me abt it since it's never happened to me before, ever. mother talking to her son abt relationships, how sweet is that.
i just wish or at least hope things were just peechee and ok as they were before . .before i decided to mess things up fr myself just a little more.
last night we had an alright performance, i did not do my personal best. there were too many people i knew that came. i felt like a real idiot jerkface because friends i have not seen in a while that i had not expected to come came and i was not sure what to do about it. i think they wanted to go to a show right afterwards, but i felt lame because i had other plans. (should i feel awful about that? i do.) david, ryan, andria and i went to the cast party, i felt a little out of place because i was not in the circle and because the three kids were there. strange. anyway, after going there pretty much for pretzels and iced tea (with a twist), we went to jackie's, but her air hockey was not available for playing, which was not cool. came here, showed the boob video of orchid and goodnight. (i took a very unflattering picture of david that should be posted soon.) got to talk to ryan for a bit and learned some things about him. felt very sorry for him because i am boring person when i am like this. ("what")
(oh yeah, david says i am heavy.)
jamie's musical was fun. . i didn't think musicals were gonna funny in the sense of being constantly entertained. i don't think that made sense. . a bunch of kids running around looking happy and so on. so good. no no, what was better was the after party thing. plate of sausage, big screen tv room, pizza, soda, and a bunch of little kids running around acting stupid. we were in it fr the little food we needed to wake us home and drift us home.
i'm tired. four hours sleep and a two hour drive this morning.. first to take andria back to napa, then home. nothing but food not bombs to take care of today, but i'm running slowly. really slowly. i miss andria.. it's always a little heartbreaking to have to take her home.. only the second time ever, but yes. heh. whiny davy. it's ok.
thanks jamie fr the great time.. and ryan, and andria.. and miss ortega fr waking us up on time.
i got light blue saucony running shoes, but nothing to really match it. i guess this hurts my quest to wear all black sometimes. hehe. it's ok, it's just fun sometimes. read ppl read, write me write me.. it's getting lonely on these spring rainy days without you.
i'm gonna see jamie tomorrow.. three hours away. . in her musical. i've waited a few long weeks fr this, and finally i'm gonna be driving down there to see this. hopefully no one is mad at me and, so on.
i spent yesterday at work calling stores abt car stereos and webcams. there hasn't been much to do there, and it's just not fun just standing around and looking pretty. . we did get porn, but i wanted to write a note to the person telling them not to take pictures of themselves. gross stuff. not hot at all.
my manager will be back next week. . i didn't think this week with the sit in, ron was gonna go so well. time to gather music to listen to . . too much lofty emo in there. . it's just how it is since that's the quiet stuff that customers probably don't mind. profiles updated, and redesign coming sometime.. i'm thinking abt it.
i'm indecisive, i'm slow at getting motivated. i'm not a good friend, so beware. . i write, but i'm slow slow at writing back if i don't know you. . if i know you, you probably thought i forgot but i didn't. i spend money and ask fr more from my parents when i know i shouldn't sometimes. . i use my friends even tho i try to give back in return. i drive even tho it's something that i've been fighting abt fr so long and have been so opposed to. i'm not careful abt what i say sometimes, and i hurt ppl when
i'm working because i don't want to feel like a slacker anymore. it's working halfway, but i know i am a slacker. i don't really want to go back to school. confessions of a boy who thinks everything is ok when he should be thinking and doing more.
on the other hand, my dad thinks i am being brain-washed by peta and hate everyone on the planet. where do this assumtions derive? eh?
i didn't record cause i need to help my dad get some tires . .i feel so weird abt driving around, but it's scary that i'm actually enjoying it. ahh. i think it's making my head feel funny. blah blah. i shouldn't stay on anymore. i guess the day has been great tho besides that. . milemarker cd burned and don caballero and american football in my hands now.
sam kerner is recording today after work. . heh, me and timmy. we got mics we got our equipment, and we can 5 minutes worth of songs. whether i can remember them or not is a differrent story. i'm ready to scream scream my little heart out. time to go to work again. the same pattern over and over. . and yet there's no money in my account.
As shadows fall: hey, it's pink tim.
kiss the asphalt: hey it is tearless sorrow
As shadows fall: what gave you the idea of pink tim?
kiss the asphalt: i thought red jim would be neat
kiss the asphalt: but it was taken
kiss the asphalt: so i went a step lighter
As shadows fall: cool
kiss the asphalt: isnt it
As shadows fall: yes, it's been my favorite sn of yours.
As shadows fall: big fat hooch was rad though.
i'm excited to be doing something redeeming again. lately, i've been just vacant, as kayla would say. working. looking forward to weekends with andria, but i haven't seen her in almost a week, that always throws me off. food not bombs.. and the kids that i've always hung out with together. it's always nice to see all of them at once.
tomorrow's my driving test. pass, drive out of sacramento as soon as i can. fail, cry cry. i am pretty confident abt my driving ability, i just have to watch my speed a little. pay extra attention to things i might not normally. it'll be just like driving with my mom. driving with mom is like driving with an instructor anyways. just a little worried i might let myself down, that's it. i didn't pass the written the first time.
sign the guestlog. profiles updated this week. when i get back possibly. good day.
