i'm always finding the need to sit here in front of the computer.. even when there's nothing to do. i guess that's the reason i do it, because there's nothing to do . . that makes sense. yes. so how are you? i like making friends sometimes moreso than i think i do. i'm under the impression alot of the times that i don't like the majority of people.. and it's true. alot of people bother me, but for every 10 or 20 people there's those few that i like having around. it's a big ratio, i know, but that's the reason why i keep to myself.

i miss kevin. he's been gone a week. . and i miss seeing him and playing. it's been a while. i can't imagine moving away from what we got, but i guess it's supposed to happen sooner or later. come back so we can rock.

there's not a whole lot going on at all. it's weird to be free like this, just because there's nothing really for me to do, and there's no band stuff to be worked on. weird timing. . .i figured i'd be a little more busy.
posted by david star at 9:24 PM

i'm scared that i'm gonna be stuck in sacramento. no good. i'm ready to move. . i'm not ready to quit get get go. we're at a good stage.. and i'm in a good stage in my life. it seems like i have a few options with school and such, and that's good. now living in the bay area.. commuting to band practice.. that's fine. i just want to do this all.

for once i'm not under the impression that i'm tied down because i'm attached to someone. it's been kinda the opposite. i kinda wish i had the option sometimes.. sometimes, but that'll just make things a little more complicated. a little.

goodnite.
posted by david star at 10:34 PM

no more snap dancing.
flippin hard dancing here on out.

im thinking about not posting or shaving my legs til we get a bigger text box and new layout. those are my demands and i expect to see them fulfilled. hopefully soon because my legs are getting monkey-ish. nice things to hear, huh? im just gonna keep on reading and listening to the faint. sounds like the best plan ever to come to man.
posted by jamie o. at 11:13 PM

hey, i woke up today to the alarm, turned it off, then grumbled on over for another three hours of on-and-off slumber. i just let go. i feel good today. i dont care that im lazy. it's summer time and im doing what teenagers do. trying not to give myself a hit to the head.

control! control! control! control! control!
posted by jamie o. at 1:00 PM

im here. time for my bi-hourly update on august eighth, two-thousand-one. ive got the weird feelings inside me. dont know how to say it, but the weird feelings are inside. its a popcorn house of strange things. its the battle of good feelings versus bad. you know bad usually wins because its easier to be sad than glad...so many more choices and variations of the negative. anyway, ive just got little kernels swinging around waiting, its not anger, but im getting annoyed that they are there. and im starting to cry, what? (im having a baby!) this is hard to stomach. the "i can do it!" and "i hate this, that, and them" dont swerve well together; it's like eating fish and cotton candy. im gonna go curl into a ball in my bed. "you betrayed me."
posted by jamie o. at 10:29 PM

bear is on my lap, shivering. previous to this i walked in the house, said a few words to my mother and sat in this very spot. i hear my mom say a few profane words towards my dog and he runs in here shivering. he's been like this for ten minutes. they do hurt, i say. my mother has a lot of anger, almost all of it rooting from men. right now she's infuriated by mac. he's been living here for over a year and just isnt leaving or progressing so much. an ephiphany came today to my mom. "if he didnt smoke dope he would have enough sense and money to get out of here and do something!!!" ahh, is there always a reason or can a person be naturally lazy and stupid? well, i have my own opinions about "smokin dope." anyone i've met that has smoked previous, i could obviously tell. sometimes, it just seems as if the person was just kicked in the face by donkey, but that's only with the special ones. so, yeah yeah, pointless pointless. xxx n stuff.

i feel like my mom has been to busy being angry at mister mac this past year and that she doesnt care about much else. i am a complete bother to her when all her time and effort can be pumped into the puffin machine. sometimes when we draw pictures it's more obvious what is going on in certain situations. i like pictures! and this one...just makes me feel like poo-poo. i hate marijuana.
posted by jamie o. at 8:18 PM

what's the deal?? im feelin tiffed, y'all. i get online, bored, mess around, finally sign off. do stuff, get bored, go online, cycle cycle cycle. maybe its because i dont like that dream i had last night? right before i woke up it was, boom, kissin robbie. what?!? i havent met this kid. i do not have "feelings" for him. but you know, that's what im infamous for. kissin boys who i dont like at all. well, the only one. im such a sick person, yes? oi yoi yoi.
posted by jamie o. at 6:07 PM

ever run up to suicide to see it as the silliest playmate and then run away with a hop, skip, and a jump? yeah, so silly.

i feel very awkward. i try so hard and fail so easily, it's the human flaw. or? dont know, but i feel MIGHTY MIGHTY AWKWARD! I WANT TO SCREAM AT YOUR FACE AND RIP IT OFF WITH THE WORDS I SAY. and that, my sweet darling, is what i say. im going to hold you and squeeze you and love you forever, because darling, i havent shown the kind of love i can give. i've been trying, but oooohhh, the mess!

im gonna try to clean it up, again, ok?
posted by jamie o. at 4:31 PM

oh!!! i forgot!

this is my friend, dylan:

posted by jamie o. at 10:50 AM

so i finally did it. i downloaded the entire one minute man mp3 instead of listening to the 31 second clip off cdnow. it's a great song, id just rewrite the words cause im not dirty wanting to get into peoples pants and the likes. i didnt find the cd, so mp3 suffices fine. // kicking it with david was a nice time. burned like 392859 cds of his, but whatever, its not embarassing cause he does it all the time. thank goodness for faint cds in advance. it's huge. they must be huge now, or something. buying records, i dont do well. its just too much to do in half hour incriments. i need hours, buddy. // today im going to start a new life. wish me luck because im scared. --but dont fret too much, jamie, its for the good, it'll work better than your demented thoughts as of now. -- so, im off to venture the new world with a new head on my shoulders. i hope it fits!
posted by jamie o. at 10:39 AM

15 lps later, i left berkeley for higher ground and a place to eat our dinner. thanks jamie for putting me up fr the nite. i haven't seen you in so long, i almost forget how you look. . ok, that's a lie. it feels weird to be home.. just because i drove an hour and something to get here.. to a different environment, and just to think that two hours ago i was somewhere totally different. it's just kinda neat to think about. i had the same feelings when i was thinking about boston, but it was more dramatic.

i got my hair done last nite. . and the people that make my haircare stuff were there and decided to use me as a test subject. . so i left the salon with giant hair. i'm still partial for the kinda big hair just because it seems like alot of work to get it giant like that.. well, 15 minutes or so. heh.

i'm gonna rest and go to work. thanks for a great time. i love you jamie ortega. and bear.
posted by david star at 9:10 AM

so i'm convinced i'm gonna enjoy houses shows the most. i met these kids in this band drowning in lethe . rad. it makes me want to just jump into a car with all our stuff and tour. but it's not that easy. we have no car, kevin's going back to school .. bah. it'll come soon i'm sure. . we're still new. .

finally got miles davis on lp. granted it's a best of sort of thing, it was four bucks. yay for that. and my ebullition order came in the mail too. i guess john was right about that torches to rome. i'm trying to get more hardcore in here.. good hardcore anyways.

trying to get more hsows. if anyone is interested.. let us know // getgetgo@teameffinrock.com . .we're playing on the radio soon. . live in studio a at kdvs. exciting. that should be fun.

xox
posted by david star at 8:17 AM

oops.
posted by jamie o. at 11:02 AM

it's andria's birthday today. . but she's not around, so my birthday wishes are not gonna be delivered. i always wake up early to get to work. . early to me anyways. cause i know i'm usually tired. all these weird dreams. we played a show in my dreams.. it was weird. . my guitar was glowing in the dark, and instead of playing our regular songs, we had to stop after one because my drummer (who wasn't kevin ..weird) got tired.

how did i get 7" and girls in my bed mixed up. see, dreams don't make sense. .that's why weird things are correlated together like that. oh well. it was weird indeed.

lauren has a site now. .you should go there. she's been working very hard on it the past few days. . nudelauren.com . .heh. it's been a long time . .i'll see you tomorrow jamie.

posted by david star at 8:20 AM

i went and now i am back. i shouldnt have gone. just another place on the list. idont know what to say, im making copies of the zine-thing tomorrow. its so silly. blogs are silly. i feel silly. silly silly silly. ok, time to end the silliness. woo!
posted by jamie o. at 9:02 PM

you're leaving jamie? and i still need to see you, but it's hard because it seems like i live to far away, but i don't. . i don't at all. gar gar. i miss you.

we played this coffeeshop in benicia to 20 kids.. 18 of which we sitting down. i don't think they get it there. and my impression of small towns is getting worse and worse, just because of the kids that were there. they didn't bother to talk to anyone of us really, and they didn't react, and that just makes it not so fun when you're up there and everyone is just staring at you. it was fun nonetheless cause we made it fun. there was the ocean wind and we even got to have a weird talk overlooking the shore before we played. if only we had such a beautiful body of water to go to each time we play. .that would be grand.

not many people get how it feels to just have all these feelings when you know they shouldn't be there. it's almost starting to get in my way, so i'll stop. it's ok, i don't like putting all this into something that i can't get anything out of. . what a shitty way to feel.

the new faint cd. gosh. gosh. . i don't know what to say. . we were listening to it on the way to the show and back last nite. it's amazing, everyone's gonna have to get this when it comes out. why don't you just order now so you can have it. . more upbeat than the last and maybe it's a little darker? either way. yeah. take care kids.
posted by david star at 10:50 AM

off to pasadena soon, hmm.
whatever.

the news at flip flop flyin'
is pretty disturbing.
posted by jamie o. at 5:56 AM

is it possible to buy confidence? how does this happen? growing up letting people beat you up and still being that kid when you are supposed to be growing up. i really admire the people that are not walking around the same person they were when they were eight. the things that build us, the croosh materials, the stupid stuff, childhood, teenage years, determining factors? i dont want those things to be the determinant for me. in recent days, ive been blessed to see there is hope. i thought i was going to grow up to be a bag lady because my thought of "oh, someday i'll just get over it and have it all" was not showing signs of ever coming to life. this is my reminder that progress cannot be compromised.

booga.
posted by jamie o. at 7:08 PM

i tried to make a website,
but i think it came out stupid.
ehhh.
posted by jamie o. at 7:44 PM

when i first met david i knew i had met someone special. "this kid is real!" i was so excited, then he sent me a couple zines, and that was the clencher. the fact that we met off the buddyhead message board can be ignored. anyways, david has said some funny things sometimes. so funny we made 'the list.' i thought it was time that i set it loose. this is incriment number one. enjoy.

• limp bizkit/slipknot isnt that bad.
• where's my blink 182 cd?
• now girls with boyfriends, i dont even want to bother with them.
• i think people should spend more time with me.
• i'm much better to look at than her.
• no one ever said i was exclusive.
• im all hot n bothered, jamie.
• she's beautiful. she's really tiny and pale. there's hot people, there's cute people, but there's not too many beautiful people out there. she's beautiful.
• i have a lot of free cds to give out, but what about the ugly people?
• i dont care if they're my friends.
• i like that alien ant farm song.
• it's a big, black guy.

thanks for the memories, pal!
posted by jamie o. at 4:27 PM

4 months until the next year. this year seems to have flown by quickly, but i don't know. i've been through alot.. sometimes a little more than i wished fr, but this summer has treated us pretty well. the weather hasn't been too bad. i'm still going for the not going outside concept. sun exposure is the enemy right now. and i don't really do any activities outside asides from getting from one place to another.

i guess it's nice to have a steady job when it comes down to needing a record for yr band. we're going in to record in a couple weeks. whoa whoa. i'm starting to get a little nervous just because we're going to a real studio, as well as doing a home recording for it. it's a big deal, we're putting out a real cd. . not a cdr or anything, but it's actually being pressed and everything.

tired. i don't really favor getting home late because i like sleep. moreso than probably anyone of my friends. i guess getting up early factors in there a little too. and the music fr this morning // the new shins lp and devo - shout.
posted by david star at 8:23 AM

hah, so i thought i was going to stay home last night and be responsible and take care of this cold the right way so i wouldnt miss dance, but i actually saw yes last night. it was a night of rooooock. i didnt sleep much, or maybe i did?, but i kept having this continuous lame dream of me being super tired and ryan going from arena to arena seeing these stupid rip-off bands. anyway, i am awake now and i feel fine. i just hope i can take the grind of the rest of this week. im just going to be one giant sore muscle. it'll be great. cheers.

that! was from this morning. i had a feeling blogger didnt post that. so. i survived today. i have been sweating a lot lately while 'being active.' maybe i just havent noticed it so much before because there was not hair on my neck to get wet. hmph? i am having fun with this, and today i saw hope. God is good. all the time. i dont mind sweating and being wet from sweat, it's fun, it's almost like pat on the back. im trying!!!

that's it! im buying a dinosaur!
posted by jamie o. at 4:47 PM

i'm not scared of dealing with the situations and such, just the outcomes that never come out as expected. you get used to it after a while. i promise.
posted by david star at 8:27 AM